When
Things Go Sour
Steps
to understanding
By
Jeffrey Hansler, CSP
Even
with effective communication skills, there are no guarantees
that your communication will always go well. Sometimes
unforseen circumstances or emotions create a situation where
no level of communication skill could avoid an angry
situation.
When
communication breaks down, it is most often due to some
misunderstandings. These misunderstandings often
trigger emotional responses which are frightening to
experence. Fear has many faces and one of these faces
is anger.
Fear
in communication is often expressed as anger and spoken in
attacking words. Unfortunately, angry words have
enough truth in them to damage relationships. Words
spoken in anger can never be taken back and are often
remembered for a long time.
So
between the moments where communication breaks down and the
angry words begin is a second chance to use your
communication skills for the benefit of all parties.
There are several things you can do to assist you through an
emotional encounter.
Review
your own emotional outbreaks after they occur. What
triggered you? Why? What were your fears or
apprehensions at the time?
Learn
to recognize these triggers as they occur or, even better,
just about to occur. Then create a relief valve that
neutralizes your own anger. If images of counting to
ten come to mind, that's one way of handling your anger.
A
more effective idea is to ask the person(s) you're involved
with a question about their last statement. Something
like, "Could you explain that further?"
By
responding with a question, several very important things
occur. First, you gain time to evaluate yourself.
Second, you are provided with more information about their
statements, and many times this clears up misunderstandings.
Third, by asking questions you create an opportunity for the
other person to calm down.
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Jeffrey
Hansler is a professional speaker, author, and consultant.
He is a frequent speaker at association events and is the
author of Sell Little Red Hen! Sell! He can be reached at jhansler@oxfordco.com.
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©
2004 Jeffrey Hansler All rights reserved |
