Communication
Conquest
Change Your Communication, Change Your Life
The
link between a soothing sentence and stolen moments
By Jeffrey Hansler, CSP
Language
is our link to the world. The words we use connect our
internal experience to our external experience. The better
your use of language the better your connection to the world
around you.
In
today’s busy world, taking time for us is a key ingredient
to a healthy life. In a poll of 700 female doctors
co-sponsored by the American Medical Women’s Association
in Alexandria, Virginia and by SELF Magazine, the number one
piece of advice they had for their women patients was,
“take time for yourself.” Triggering a “relaxation
response” in women has very positive health benefits.
Clinical findings indicate that:
- Chronic
pain patients reduce physician visits by 36%
- 80%
of hypertensive patients have lowered blood pressure.
- Women
with severe PMS have 57% reduction in physical and
psychological symptoms.
The
phrase ‘stolen moments’ has come to represent the taking
time for self. The problem is many women express feelings of
guilt over their “stolen moments”. A major contributory
cause for this guilt is the internal dialogue that goes on
when taking a “stolen moment”. Here’s how the dialogue
goes.
-‘I
know I need to go shopping, but I need a second to
relax.’
-‘I should be making another sales call, but if I do
some yoga breathing, I’ll be better prepared.’
-‘I should be exercising, but I want thirty minutes to
get back to my book.’
While
the inherent ‘shoulda’ is part of the problem, the major
contributor to guilt is the three-letter word ‘but’.
‘But’ sets up an internal struggle, beginning the battle
between two choices, and forcing a lose-lose decision that
creates either guilt or resentment. It is a no-win, damned
if you do, damned if you don’t conversation, and it
happens hundreds of times a day in the mind of many –
especially, the highly functional, multi-tasking, modern-day
working woman.
The
solution is a simple three-letter word substitution.
Replacing the word ‘but’ with the word ‘and’ removes
the conflict between the choices and creates the opportunity
for a truly ‘stolen moment’. Try the following:
-‘I
know I need to go shopping, and I need a second to
relax.’
-‘I should be making another sales call, and if I do
some yoga breathing, I’ll be better prepared.’
-‘I should be exercising, and I want thirty minutes to
get back to my book.’
Did
you hear the difference in your mind as you re-read the same
sentences with the word ‘and’ replacing the word
‘but’?
Why
do we use the word ‘but’? We use the word ‘but’
because it’s a habit, like most of our communication. We
repeat what we’ve heard, and ‘but’ is something we all
grew up with as children. ‘I’d love to let you play
honey, but…’
Change
your communication, and you will change your life. The
solution is as simple as ‘rinse and repeat’. Every time
you speak or think ‘but’, stop and replace the sentence
with ‘and’. Pretty soon you’ll be replacing a bad
communication habit with a good communication habit.
That’s
all for now. For more information, on presentations and
articles that deal with the power of communication, contact
Jeffrey Hansler, CSP.
#
# # # #
Medical
Notes: Got
a cold and can’t wait to smell those aromatherapy candles.
Read before you try some of the cold remedy products
available or you may wait longer than you wish to smell
again: http://www.zicamsideeffects.com/
Biography
Moment: A bio-chemistry major at the University of
California, Irvine for three years before switching to
psychology, Jeffrey figured blowing up the lab area was a
good indicator he needed a new direction of study.
Jeffrey
Hansler is a professional speaker, author, and consultant.
He is a frequent speaker at association events and is the
author of Sell Little Red Hen! Sell! He can be reached at jhansler@oxfordco.com.
Click
here for a .pdf version of this page
Click
here to access our article request form to secure
permission to use or reprint this article
©
2004 Jeffrey Hansler All rights reserved
|
